Two perspectives on marriage

I was on a business trip last week, travelling with two colleagues, a man and a woman, both married, both in their early 50’s. I had a couple marriage related conversations I’d like to tell you about to illustrate four points:

1. The significant financial and emotional risk of being married.
2. The common dogmatic assumption that everyone should want to be married, just because that’s the way it is.
3. The fallacy that not wanting to be married means you are afraid of commitment.
4. The fallacy that being married is required to have kids.

My first conversation was with the man, and illustrates point #1:

This week in...

...sex

• Is casual sex worth it? Yes, yes it is. Any other questions?
• If you’re going on a date sometime soon, think about incorporating some of these libido boosters. Hint: wear red, hold her hand, and get her adrenaline pumping.

...alimony

• It’s gonna happen! The end, er, restriction of lifetime alimony in MA. Catch the fever!
• Just when it looked like Arnie was going to stand up against alimony, he pussed out.

This week in...

...child support

• Who knew failing to pay child support could get you shot in the back by a police officer as you try to run away.
• I said it before, and I’ll say it again. See this film if you have the opportunity.
• A man pays child support for 16 years for a child that isn’t his.
  

...women

• For some reason, women just like to worry... and complain.
• We watch female sports if and when the athletes are hot, not for any other reason.

...dating, mating, and baboons

• It turns out, it’s pretty good to be No. 2.

9 more reasons (links)

1. If you don’t get married, you can still have a wonderful relationship with one of the world’s most beautiful people, raise a bunch of kids, and in general have a great life. Just ask Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Still not married.
2. You'll also be much less likely to have a woman cut your penis off, either figuratively or literally.
3. Nor will you be the victim of domestic violence at the hands of a raging psychopath like this woman who attacked the judge at her divorce hearing.
4. Christie Brinkley can tell you that marriage is ridiculous. Add her to the list of successful women who agree with me.
5. Those with experience think prostitution is just a form of dating. Actually, it's the other way around. Dating is a form of prostitution. And so is marriage!
6. You may have heard about the new trend of celebrating a divorce, but the truth is, there’s no such thing as an amicable divorce.
7. Why take yourself off the market when dating technology is advancing so rapidly? OkCupid is adding a location-based feature to its mobile app.
8. If you’re woman is going to manipulate you into proposing, what makes you think she won’t be manipulating you for the rest of your life?
9. We know child support isn't about the child, but this woman didn't get the memo. She's suing for child support 34 years later.

Weekend reading

1. The New Yorker explores the history of online dating. Personally, I'm more interested in the future.
2. In case you didn't know, coupons are tacky on a date. Women think it's romantic when you throw money away.
3. Definitely read this very thorough discussion of the many problems with child support calculations. Then read my analysis again.
4. The majority of Canadians now support legalized prostitution. Oh sure.
5. Hopefully you'll never need any of the five legal documents that can protect you in a relationship.
6. Most New Zealanders favor child support overhaul.
7. Good for Malaysia Airlines, banning babies First Class.
8. It turns out the success of female politicians might have a lot to do with nepotism.
9. Here are some good tips on how to be a better liar.

More child support ridiculousness

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The connection between child support and supporting a child is tenuous at best. We know that it has nothing to do with the cost of raising a child. Even for rich people who spend lavishly on their children, it costs about $26K per year on average for the 18 years it takes to raise a child. But that doesn't stop courts from awarding child support payments that dwarf that amount. It's more about rewarding golddigging women and/or punishing men. Here are three of the latest prominent examples:

Five more reasons (links)

1. A woman adds some needed perspective on the case of the man who set himself on fire over child support.
2. It looks like I’m not the only one with the balls to defend men against the British PM’s attack.
3. Planned Parenthood is hurting financially due to the push by conservatives to defund the institution.
4. It turns out loyalty is a good thing. I couldn’t agree more. But why, exactly, do you need to be married to be loyal?
5. Where did gender inequality come from in the first place? Whatever it was, we know it didn't happen during the past 30 years.

Unbelievable child support abuse of the day

A Houston man is required by law to pay child support for a child that’s not his. Watch the video here.

Even with the recent passage of a new law designed to prevent this sort of bullshit, he’s still on the hook. Apparently he’s grandfathered (or just fathered) in.

Supreme Court news: child support, workplace discrimination

Child support

Hearing the case of a man who was jailed for not paying child support, the Supreme Court ruled that “states must have procedural safeguards in place to help determine whether the parent is able to comply with the support order” but that they are not entitled to a state-provided lawyer.

Workplace discrimination

Justice Scalia can be kind of a dick, but I’ve got to give him credit for throwing water on the Wal-Mart workplace discrimination lawsuit. Here’s Scalia, writing in the majority opinion:

On the facts of the case, significant proof that Wal-Mart operated under a general policy of discrimination. That is entirely absent here… In a company of Wal-Mart's size and geographical scope, it is quite unbelievable that all managers would exercise their discretion in a common way without some common direction.

Well said Your Honor.

Unwilling fathers: deadbeats or victims?

The British Prime Minister thinks it’s the former. In a Father’s Day piece in the British newspaper The Telegraph, the PM wrote this:

It's high time runaway dads were stigmatised and the full force of shame was heaped upon them. They should be looked at like drink-drivers, people who are beyond the pale. They need the message rammed home to them, from every part of our culture, that what they're doing is wrong; that leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves simply isn't acceptable.

Demonizing men who are unwilling to be fathers against their will is not new, but this is a little over the top. It sounds like these men would be beaten in the streets if the PM had his way. The idea that all single mothers are heroes and the fathers deadbeats is ridiculous.

Does the PM know the circumstances surrounding each of the men he wants to stigmatize? Many men are made fathers against their will. Here’s an example:

Four more reasons (links)

1. If you’re a man who wants to feel what it’s like to be pregnant (no thanks), you can try this contraption.
2. More resentment of men for, well, being men.
3. I wonder how many men these days wish they could sell their wives.
4. Congrats to Master P’s lawyers. Why do I have the feeling this victory will be short lived?

4 more reasons (links)

1. Apple’s working on a proprietary iPhone dating app.
2. Apparently there’s also such a thing as a deadbeat Mom.
3. If you’re going to be in Seattle on June 25, show up for the public forum on child support laws.
4. Scientific American has an in depth report on the science of modern fatherhood. Lot's of good stuff. I'll have more in a separate post.

5 more reasons (Links)

1. Even if you’re bankrupt, you still have to pay alimony and child support.
2. News flash! Promiscuous women more likely to divorce! Study on promiscuous men to follow.
3. Divorce is painful enough without the courts getting involved.
4. In Canada and Australia, those in the know believe laws prohibiting prostitution actually make it more dangerous.
5. If you’re a Singaporean woman, I recommend not wearing makeup to the divorce proceedings.

The cost of raising a child vs child support

You may have heard, it costs a lot to raise a child. A recently released report by the USDA estimates that it will cost an average of $287K to raise a child born in 2010. But as others have pointed out, the study comes up short by two measures.

First, it’s based on out of pocket expenditures, so it doesn’t include opportunity costs such as career deferral, etc. Second, it’s based on what people actually spend, not what they need to spend on raising a child.

I’d say lost income trumps the fact that some people may overindulge their children, so if anything the study's results are probably an underestimation. But let’s assume for a moment that it’s any accurate accounting of the current cost of child rearing in America. Exactly how much does it cost to raise a child these days? And what does it tell us about something else we care about... child support?

Top 5 weekend links

Better pay your “child support” or the law will catch up to you.

Turns out, not only could you end up paying alimony and child support after a divorce, but you could also be on the hook for your spouse’s tax debts.

Another piece of evidence supporting my long held belief that people who like cats are crazy.

The Heritage Foundation thinks marriage is in trouble (agree), and we need to save it (disagree).

Don’t wear a skirt while riding a bike in NYC.

Jim Nantz Settles Divorce

Well, it’s been almost a year and a half since Jim Nantz decided to divorce his wife, but it looks like the two have reached a settlement.

Here is what being married to a famous sportscaster for 26 years will get you these days:

Another one bites the dust

Congratulations to Jim Nantz on deciding to end his marriage to his spendthrift wife, apparently in favor of his 29 year old girlfriend.

It seems that the missus was costing Nantz a little more than she was worth.  He attributed the failure of their relationship to his wife’s propensity to waste his hard earned money: