Announcing My New Book!

Dear loyal readers,

I’m ridiculously excited and disgustingly proud to announce the release of my new book A Hacker's Guide to Online Dating, How to Train Your Computer to Get You Dates. Available on Amazon here.

If you enjoy the blog, you’ll love this book. It’s everything I've learned throughout my years in the online dating world. All the tips and tricks on how to optimize the dating process to do what online dating is supposed to do – get you actual face to face dates – as efficiently as possible. Basically, overcoming the paradox of choice. I've even included the automation code that I personally developed and use to have my computer do most of the work for me. Online dating on steroids!

I’ll be posting excerpts periodically – there’s so much good material here that I’m not going to limit it to just the book - but to wet your whistle, the table of contents is below. I also want to do something for my loyal readers. For the next 5 days, the kindle ebook is going to be available absolutely free! No strings attached. The whole thing. Free. What are you waiting for? Here’s that link again. The only thing I ask in return is this: if you like it, give me a review on Amazon. It always helps. And let me know how my strategies work out for you. You can always reach me here in the comments section.

Vaya con dios,
Dorian

Ask Men dating survey results

As I mentioned earlier, Ask Men has partnered with Cosmo to put together a great survey on the dating habits and tastes of men and women. Check them out if you have the chance. For now, I'll summarize the best results relating to the topics of this blog:

On marriage:

• To the question of whether or not they believe in marriage, 85% of women say “Yes, definitely!”, while only 66% of men say they plan to participate. Hmm, I wonder if that is a reflection of who is favored by the rules of engagement.
• How important is a prenup? 32% of men say somewhat or very important, versus only 26% of women.  Do you see a trend here?
• When asked which sex gets screwed in divorce courts, 79% of men and 41% of women say men get screwed. 1% of men and 18% of women think women get screwed. So both sexes agree. Men get screwed. Can we update these laws now? Waddya say we make things a little more fair?

On infidelity, sex, and attraction:

Larry David on marriage

Again, it takes a comedian to speak the truth. This time from Larry David's Rolling Stone interview:

David says he's unlikely to ever get married again. "It would be a silly thing to do," he says. "Why would I do it? Why would I want that contract? I already have kids. The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. You get married, you have kids – you should plan this from the beginning. We're going to have these kids, then we'll get divorced when they're four. All right, six."

Sounds like a good plan to me. Just make sure you have a solid prenup. And make sure it covers child support.

This week in...

...child support

• Who knew failing to pay child support could get you shot in the back by a police officer as you try to run away.
• I said it before, and I’ll say it again. See this film if you have the opportunity.
• A man pays child support for 16 years for a child that isn’t his.
  

...women

• For some reason, women just like to worry... and complain.
• We watch female sports if and when the athletes are hot, not for any other reason.

...dating, mating, and baboons

• It turns out, it’s pretty good to be No. 2.

How do you measure up?

From our friends at Freakonomics, here’s a handy chart of average penis size in various countries around the world (Warning: holding your wang up to your computer screen may cause an unsightly smudge). If you’ve read SuperFreakonomics, you remember the hilarious story about the condom program in India failing because the condoms, made for African men, kept slipping off.

10 more reasons not to get married

1. If you don't get married, you'll never have to stand next to your wife and look like this chump while she gushes over her uncontrollable spending habits.
2. If you don't get married, your wife can never claim she has a right to your music catalog.
3. If you get married, your spouse might attempt to electrocute you after you tell them you want a divorce.
4. If you don't propose, no one can keep the engagement ring after refusing your proposal.
5. If you don't get married, you don't have to worry about perfecting the art of arguing.
6. The founder of eHarmony thinks you shouldn’t get married.
7. If you get married in NJ, your wife can plant a GPS tracker in your car.
8. If you don't get married, you won't have to come up with terms like "none-ogamy" to describe your sexless marriage.
9. Nor will you have to train your marriage dragon, whatever that is.
10. And finally, if you don't get married, you won't have to divide your apartment in half.

Weekend reading

1. The New Yorker explores the history of online dating. Personally, I'm more interested in the future.
2. In case you didn't know, coupons are tacky on a date. Women think it's romantic when you throw money away.
3. Definitely read this very thorough discussion of the many problems with child support calculations. Then read my analysis again.
4. The majority of Canadians now support legalized prostitution. Oh sure.
5. Hopefully you'll never need any of the five legal documents that can protect you in a relationship.
6. Most New Zealanders favor child support overhaul.
7. Good for Malaysia Airlines, banning babies First Class.
8. It turns out the success of female politicians might have a lot to do with nepotism.
9. Here are some good tips on how to be a better liar.

Female ejaculation and ancient sex wisdom

They say you learn something new every day. Today I learned a little about the mysteries of female ejaculation and, tangentially, some ancient sex advice… always interesting. According to the Bering in Mind blog from Scientific American, science still doesn’t understand female ejaculation, but that doesn’t stop it from leading to hilarious situations like this:

…most female ejaculators report "copious" amounts of fluid being released around the time of orgasm, enough to "soak the bed" or "spray the wall" or have their partner scream in terror and misunderstanding

Anything that causes screaming in terror during sex is pretty funny in my book. But if you ask me, this particular situation is nothing to get scared about.

While tracing the history of sexual knowledge of the female body, the article also provided this ancient wisdom:

The 4th century Taoist text, Secret Instructions Concerning the Jade Chamber, written for the enterprising man in the art of satisfying a woman in bed, suggested that he decipher the following "five signs" of feminine arousal accordingly:

1. "reddened face" = "she wants to make love with you"
2. "breasts hard and nose perspiring" = "she wants you to insert your penis"
3. "throat dry and saliva blocked" = "she is very stimulated and excited"
4. "slippery vagina" = "she wants to have her orgasm soon"
5. "the genitals transmit fluid" = "she has already been satisfied"

All great advice. So naturally, it got me wondering, where can I find this sacred text? A Google search led me to this from an Eastern massage website:

10 rules for chaste wanton dating

More dating rules to ponder, this time from a strictly Catholic point of view. I like these a lot! But sadly, not being Catholic myself, I had to modify them slightly. My updates are in italics:

10 Rules for Chaste Wanton Dating

1. The purpose of dating is to find the person you wish to marry get laid, the one who will become the father or mother of your while minimizing the risk of having children. Keep that always in mind and terminate the relationship if and as soon as you realize this is not the person you’re not getting any.
2. Never allow yourself The ultimate goal is to be alone in a closed room or parked car with your date.
3. Always plan to be sexually active on a date. Have activities lined up (backup plans too) so you don’t find yourself in a position or situation of idleness. Bring a condom.
4. Dress appropriately for the occasion but always modestly. Wear clean underwear.
5. Regardless of who “pays” for the date no one “owes” anybody anything, other than sex.
6. Any actions that cause sexual arousal (need I define them? aaaaw yeah) are to be avoided encouraged, including forms of dancing that are designed to cause it. Help each other to say no yes.
7. A peck, a quick kiss (mouths closed), a brief hug or holding hands are permissible useless, since they are non-sexual expressions of affection.
8. Don’t kid yourself. You are no different from anyone else. Don’t count on your self-control. You are weak! You just can’t go “so far.” Just give in to the moment and go for it!
9. Your soul is at stake and perhaps a happy shotgun marriage and a or possible vocation child support. So be sure to use a condom.
10. The road to chastity sexual fulfillment is paved with prayer fatties, the Eucharist prudes, and reading of the New Testament wasting money on bad dates. If you fail, have recourse to the Sacrament of Penance look at some porn as soon as possible and begin again.

High Comedy

The funniest comedy is always the truest, and the Onion has a satirical take on the ravaging effects of age on a woman’s beauty.  It’s seems some older women are just happy to get whatever attention they can: Catherine Zeta-Jones Happy To See People On Internet Would Still Hit That.  Enjoy!