Don’t get married

Although it’s written by a comedian, Dean Obeidallah, this piece has a lot of truth to it (Isn’t that what makes the best comedy). It echoes many of my problems with marriage. First, that it’s a vestigial institution without much relevancy today:

Just because you have the legal right to wed, this doesn't mean it's a good idea. Marriage is as outdated as a Sony Discman and MySpace... The concept of marriage was created thousands of years ago and has not been updated since.

Second, the fallacy of one reason people often sight for marriage -- security and commitment:

It's not as though being married ensures fidelity or that you will stay together forever if you tie the knot. Just look at the divorce rate, which has long hovered around 50 percent.

And the article offers some choice quotes on marriage that I will surely add to my repertoire, including these:

• Woody Allen: “Marriage is the death of hope."
• Bill Maher: "I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocrisy."
• And my favorite, from the original Renaissance man, Leonardo da Vinci: "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."

Then Dean has this:

If you have any doubts about what I'm saying, think about the married people you know. Yes, some are happy, but most seem like members of a cult. They walk around like zombies, their dark, lifeless eyes staring into space as if searching for the grim reaper.

I wouldn’t go that far, but I have noticed something very cult-like. It seems that the moment one of my friends gets married, they immediately start asking me when I’m going to get married. It’s like they know they did something crazy and need me to validate their decision. Sorry, not gonna happen!

But wait, I almost forgot to mention a little thing called alimony. I'll let one of my readers fill you in on the consequences of that institution:

The only thing keeping me married at this point is the fear of lifetime alimony. My wife knows this, which is no incentive for her to work. It's like the welfare system. She's got the golden ticket. I'm a slave to my wife forever? What's my incentive to work harder or improve myself? If anyone is thinking of getting married, don't do it. It's not worth it. It's basically indentured servitude.

I rest my case.