Speaking of online dating I've been doing it for a while now, and have become somewhat of an expert. I thought I’d share some of the stuff I've learned, for reference, and as always, for shits and giggles. Here are some rules I've learned the hard way. Sadly, these are all mistakes I've made personally, more than once.
- Height: she must be at least 3 inches shorter than you. No exceptions. It’s just not going to work otherwise. Trust me, I've tried. Even 3 inches is cutting it close. Keep in mind she'll be wearing heels most of the time.
- First dates: Go out for a drink at night. Read that again and memorize it.
- And notice I also said at night. No first dates during the day. Lunch, coffee, brunch… No, no, no. It’s just not very romantic, and a waste of time. Not to mention the odds of alcohol being involved is much lower. If you think going in for a first kiss is awkward, try doing it sober, in bright sunlight, standing in front of a crowded sidewalk café. Save it for later in the relationship.
- Don’t travel unless you’re absolutely sure it’s worth it. Let me explain. When you meet someone online, it’s sometimes hard to tell exactly what you’re getting into. Maybe there’s one or two pictures, from weird angles, not in the best light, and no pictures that show her below the neck. There’s a definite chance you could be attracted to this person, but it's just as likely that you won't be. You say, hey, it's worth a shot. Sometimes it’s much clearer. There are plenty of pictures and there's no question that this person is someone you want to meet. What I’m saying is this: only travel a long distance (20 min drive or something) for the women in the latter category. It’s all about risk-reward. Oh, and never travel more than an hour or so for ANYONE. Unless you live in the boonies or something, in which case, just go ahead and shoot yourself.
- And how do you determine whether you want to meet someone in the first place? I’m glad you asked. Look carefully at all of her profile pictures. Find the biggest flaw you can, the worst aspect of all her pictures. Big nose, weird mole, ass looks a little big, whatever. Know this: that’s the thing that will stand out when you meet her in person, and it will be just as bad as you feared. Don’t convince yourself that it’s not that bad. It is.
- Go for a kiss on the first date. Always. More if you like and she is willing, but at least try for a kiss. Many times this is the moment of truth, where you learn everything you need to know about how the person feels about you. Don't wait around to find out.
- And a corollary: if there’s not at least a kiss on the first date, don’t waste your time with a second. Let me be clear, I’m not being a horn-dog here, just a realist. If there wasn't a kiss on the first date, there was probably a reason, like no physical chemistry. If that’s the case, then there’s no point trying to force it. Trust me. I've been on too many second dates where afterwards I asked myself, “Why did I think there would be any more chemistry this time?” All my successful online dating experiences have involved a kiss, or more, on the first date. Also, expanding on that a little bit: if there was ANYTHING that just didn't seem right on the first date, don’t bother with a second date. It’s not going to go away.
- And one thing on my to do list: Figure out a way to end a date at the start. Occasionally (actually more than that unfortunately) I show up for a date, and it is immediately clear that this is not happening, for whatever reason. Yes, usually it’s something physical. Sorry, but it’s true. Anyway, it would be nice to not have to spend an hour or two with this person and buy them several drinks before I get to go home. I need to figure out a way to get out of there right at the start, preferably one that isn’t a total dick move, like going to the bathroom and never coming back… but I’m starting to think I should consider that.
