Happy Valentine’s Day…
I came across this list of 50 Reasons Why Marriage Rocks via a Facebook friend who is apparently getting married. I don’t really know. She’s one of those Facebook friends that I met once, friended for some reason, and then never talked to again. You know those.
Anyway, the list is at various points humorous, repulsive, and sad. But what’s ironic is that it basically reads as a list of reasons NOT to get married.
Most of them are typical romantic fluff and/or are reasons to be in a relationship, not specific to marriage. I could go through these one by one and tear them apart, but I think I’ll just focus on my favorites:
ON SEX:
2. Sex gets better the longer you’re together
I would tend to agree with this, to a point. I'd say the quality-of-sex “curve” is upward sloping in the beginning of a relationship, then peaks, and subsequently plateaus... if you're lucky. Or more likely, if you aren't so lucky, it falls off. Regardless, even if this is true, it’s a reason to be in a romantic relationship, not to enter a legal agreement such as marriage.
5. You get to kiss a lot (and there are health benefits from that).
Again, I’m pretty sure you don't need to be married for this.
12. Condoms only need to be used for birth control, not for fear of STDs.
A common fallacy: that somehow being married prevents your partner from cheating on you. No more or less than any other committed relationship.
46. Being in a committed relationship reduces stress.
So does having a lot of sex with many anonymous partners... but I digress. I thought this was a list about marriage?
ON, well, I’m not sure what to call these:
4. Passing gas is not a deal breaker
16. It’s not embarrassing if you queef.
Awesome. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself, “if only I could find a woman who would fart and queef in front of me.” Oh yeah, I can… zero.
41. PMS-ing (overdosing on chocolate, tearing up watching Hallmark commercials) is okay.
47. There’s someone to hold your hair back when you’re getting sick.
Wow, this proposition is getting better all the time! Sounds like a real pleasure.
26. A husband will get you tampons from the store, even if it’s late at night.
30. It’s helpful to have a human ladder around.
Anything else I can do for you, princess?
ON MONEY:
7. Having a human blanket to keep you warm at night. Cheaper than electric heat.
Actually an electric blanket is MUCH cheaper. Ask Jim Nantz.
11. Married men earn more.
And now that you managed to marry them, they're required by law to give you half of it… suckers!
18. The earning power of two is more than one.
And how, exactly, is this specific to marriage?
AND THE WINNER IS:
36. A wedding ring on a man is sexy.
The only one that actually appeals to me. If only there were a way to achieve this without being tied down by marriage, but alas.
Obviously this list is from a female perspective for a female audience. But reading it makes me wonder: do the women who write this stuff realize that most of these things are actually unappealing to men? Or are they too self-involved to care? I'd argue that a successful relationship, marriage or otherwise, must offer fulfillment to both parties.
