May 27, 2011

Less kids equals more happiness

Most economists who study the matter seem to agree. The data show that parents are less happy than childless people, all else remaining equal. What are the implications? I'll let the economists sort that out. For now, let's be safe and avoid having children all together.

May 26, 2011

Depressing marriage stat of the day


That’s from The Chart’s article on "getting back in sexual sync", also known as spicing things up a bit.  Here's the problem:
Generally, at the start of a relationship, the thrill of infatuation keeps us sexually motivated - the whole “can’t keep your hands off of each other” phase - but once we settle into a sense of routine, gaps in libido that may have previously been masked become revealed.
Imagine that.  I have a stupid question: why exactly do I want to settle into this routine to begin with?

To me it’s pretty clear what the problem is: boredom.  Even sex isn’t all that much fun when it’s the same thing over and over again, with no possible end to the monotony it sight.  Yet, as we’ve seen before, The Chart attempts to rationalize sexual disinterest with a list of “reasons” that are all basically synonyms for I’m not really that turned on by you.  They include:
– Stress, depression, and anxiety
– Age, health, and medical treatment
– Lifestyle issues such as sleep, exercise, nutrition, and tobacco and alcohol consumption
– Relationship boredom
– Diminishing sexual attraction to one’s partner
– Relationship issues and anger
– Lack of sexual enjoyment during partner sex
– Milestones such as having kids that often test a relationship
– Lack of prioritization of sex
Then the article goes into a bunch of ways you can, you know, communicate and eventually, if you're lucky, have sex.  Thanks doc.  Here’s my advice: find something that turns you on and do it.

May 19, 2011

Why do men cheat?

Because they can. It couldn't be that simple could it? I mean there must be a more satisfying answer, right? Right? Arrogance, culture wars, shifting moral standards, risk-taking, thrill-seeking... or they're horny and they think they can get away with it. Or just horny.

And another thing. Please don't compare rape with having an affair.

May 18, 2011

Maybe I should move to China

You can try to stigmatize it if you want, but people are going to have sex, often outside the bounds of their marriage.  Like life, sex will find a way.  And the more you try to prevent it, the more deviant it will become as it is pushed into the hidden corners of society.  So no, I'm not surprised that mistresses are common in China, nor do I think it should be labeled an "epidemic," implying without basis that it is a problem that needs to be corrected.

Is infidelity all that rare?

I don’t know why anyone would promise to have sex with only one person for the rest of their life.  But some people do.  Any many of those people end up being unable to keep that promise.  Cheating. Betrayal. Infidelity. All words used to stigmatize people who are either unable or unwilling to be monogamous.

But guess what.  Sometimes sex doesn't have much to do with love or commitment: 
[According to] Beth Hedva, a therapist and psychologist from Alberta, Canada... a man or woman can love his or her spouse very much and still be capable of an affair. Such infidelity is not as uncommon as we like to pretend, she said. Its acceptability varies with cultures. Its tolerance varies in our own circle of friends.
Well said.  Sometimes I wish I lived in a more permissive culture.  But even here in America, despite the labels, infidelity is not all that uncommon:
Go to the Internet and to something called infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html. Right there it says that the percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional, is 41 percent.
Of course these data are from surveys, based on what people actually admit to.  Who knows what the truth really is.  But the bottom line is that, for some people, monogamy is just too cruel a rule.